Misadventures of a Sweaty Lady

Today, I ran around like a crazy person. I spent 3 hours looking for a dress for a wedding that I am in THIS SATURDAY. I'm the only attendant, the matron (read: old lady) of honor. I spent 3 hours looking in mirrors and hating how I look. I spent 3 hours covered in tummy sweat, boob sweat and mustache sweat. All while wearing spanx. I was very, very attractive, kinda what an old hot dog looks like sitting out in the sun on a buffet table at a barbecue. Yes, that's exactly what I looked l